Several other factors come to mind regarding my daughter and I.
was an incident when she was 12 or 13.
We were at a relative's house with some people seated around
the dining room table.
I was seated near the edge of the room.
daughter came over and plopped herself in my lap.
She, and, we, had not been
in the habit of this as she was, as I say, 12 or 13, that is, becoming a young woman.
I felt awkward,
but I did not want to rebuff her show or desire for affection.
I think one of the women present
said she should come and sit elsewhere.
It was a situation of utmost delicacy.
Some person or persons bungled the job in speaking to here later on this extremely delicate matter.
Neither of us was guilty of anything.
It is true my daughter needed to understand she
was becoming a young women and should not be sitting in my lap.
But, it was handled clumsily,
and she was made to "feel dirty."
I was not consulted and heard about it later.
I do not know if this played any significant part in the picture.
Another thing of great
importance is a wife's reaction to things, as observed by the kids.
Being around Christian circles
as a young man, I picked up on a lot of marital advice.
I heard a tape, where a missionary's child,
noted that some of her friends had negatives about their father being a missionary, because he was away so much.
But, she realised she did NOT have this negative attitude.
As she thought about it, she
remembered how her mother would pray with them for their Dad, being away.
She remembered how her
mother would say, "aren't we lucky we have a Dad who is being used of God in an important way".
So, this child's attitude had NOT come from her Dad's situation, but rather from her Mother's positive attitude toward
My wife comes from a home where her mother wore the pants in the family.
In a very real sense, my wife and I were BOTH raised to manhood.
I think this is an
increasingly common problem.
As I say elsewhere at this site, that God designed male and female
to be differential and complimentary.
And God designed manhood and womanhood
to be differential and complimentary in the social realm.
So that they two fit together physically
and socially, rather than being competitive.
I try to emphasize my wifes good points and play
down any faults, when talking with others about her.
I thank God she is frugal. She never runs
up credit card debt. I like her cooking, and housekeeping too.
But, I don't feel she does much
of the same favor to me. My children have not seen much glowing praise from her, regarding me. I really do do some decent
My paternal grandfather was not great in ordinary ways. He did provide for his family.
But when he prayed, and in his interests seen in his conversations, he was a man of deep, and genuine faith in Jesus
But, my grandmother never had a positive word to say about him. She did have some negative
My Dad and my Uncle never came to Jesus Christ -- I've never seen any such interest in them.
They grew up when evolution was absolute king, and the Scopes trial, and science in general ridiculed Christianity
and the Bible.
A mother has tremendous influence -- I would almost say -- of sending the children
down the paths to heaven or hell.
Along a somewhat different but related line.
I was around a non-church Christian group, while single, and in the military.
a local conference coming up, and among other classes there was to be a class for young marrieds.
teachers from elsewhere were not available, so the class was cancelled.
But, folks had said that
there was a need for such a class -- and we understand God does meet needs.
So, why the cancellation
- why did God not meet this need.
As, I thought about it, there were several older bachelors who
were very knowledgeable in the Bible.
The Apostle Paul and his protege Timothy
were both single, and yet plainly they instructed married folks.
I believe that local leaders
could NOT even imagine having single guys teach the class for young marrieds.
believe God did in fact supply the need, but the humanistic misconceptions of local leaders prevented them
from accepting God's provision.
There is a danger in having married teachers teach marrieds.
There is the danger of unwittingly teaching on the basis of practical experience, which can be wrong, rather than
from the Bible alone.
A single man, highly expert in the Bible, can more easily avoid this, since
he is not presumed to have a practical experience.
Of course, we all grew up in our parent's houses,
and we all have married friends and siblings. We all have some experience.
Paul warned Timothy
to beware of "old wives tales."
Ephesians 4:32 is such great advice for getting along
with one another, in marriage, and outside marriage:
And be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.